Where I Started: Depressed, Anxious, and Not Wanting to Go On
I used to live for work, money, and all the things society told me would make me happy. By 30, I had landed that high-paying prestigious job, gotten married, and had a son. I really should have been happy, right?
But I wasn’t, and I couldn’t figure out what was missing. I had it all, everything they told me I needed to live the life of my dreams, and I was having breakdowns every few months. Literally, I’d end up in the hospital, unable to face another day, let alone a lifetime of this hollow existence. Something was desperately wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what. Therapists praised me for how hard I worked to do what they said, and I stuck to my medication regime, but nothing seemed to fix the problem. I’d end up right back where I started, depressed, anxious, and not wanting to go on.
The Turning Point: Embracing Spirituality
Despite initially being a staunch atheist, I turned to the practices I discuss in this blog out of desperation and found myself diving head-first into the oftentimes woo-woo world of spirituality. I felt very silly starting out with some of these things. But a miraculous thing started to happen that I couldn’t deny: the more “silly” practices I tried out, the more I excited I started to feel about life. It ignited a spark within me in a place I’d lost touch with after childhood. The world of spirituality isn’t about striving for results, which was how I’d tried to measure my life before, it’s about living deeply in each moment. It’s about connection between all beings, and a deeply felt sense of that connection that’s accessible all the time. And it’s empowering, helping me take the reins in a world where I used to feel like a victim.
For the first part of my life, I was obsessed with the “what.” What I had, what I wanted, and what I could achieve. Once I embraced spirituality, I started to ask an important question: why? Why was I killing myself to check all these boxes of the perfect life when I knew it wasn’t making me happy?
Where Spirituality Led Me: A World of Inspiration and Optimism
I’ll be real-I don’t live every moment in perfect bliss now. But when I lose my way, when I get too bogged down by the mundane aspects of day-to-day life, spirituality is my lifeline. Spirituality empowered me to make choices not just for myself, but for the benefit of all beings. It helped me slow down and find a right-sized job. It helped me end a marriage that wasn’t healthy for anyone. And it helped me embrace motherhood in all its messy joyful glory.
I’m passionate about everything I share on this site because I know from experience spirituality can provide a sense of purpose and meaning in a world where everything seems to be falling apart.
I don’t think there’s one spiritual path for everyone. I think we each have our own road. On this site, I strive to introduce you to varied topics so you can see for yourself what feels exciting and right. If you feel like something’s missing, but you just can’t quite figure out what, I encourage you to take a chance on something you find here. You’ll never know until you try.
Where to Start?
Start where you feel most excited. This site is designed to be a jumping off point for further spiritual exploration. Here are a few things that I’ve found particularly transformative in my personal journey: